Jennie Kaae Ferrara
Half Danish, Half Italian, Born and raised in Denton, Texas. Moved to
Denmark in 1996. Jennie has studied Finnish, Indo-European, Icelandic, and is almost done with her Masters in Modern Culture and Cultural
Communication. She translates and proofreads as well as helps people with their social media profiles. Married going on 6 years and has two
young boys. Interests: everything (almost)
I met Jennie via her blog, Copenhagen Follies. Over the years, I have read her witty posts about her two children, her husband, Mikael, food, the environment, design, and numerous other topics. This is a conversation we had over Skype on May 26th, 2011.
Indra: You don’t strike me as Texan, not that Texans have only one shape or form. What is Texan about you?
Jennie: Good question! I feel more that I’m part of a mainstream American culture; I was incidentally born in Dallas, and raised there. My Italian dad from Chicago and my Danish mom who’d been living in Connecticut moved to Texas while my mom was pregnant, so there’s really no Texan culture in our DNA, I guess you could say. So, I suppose the Texan part of me is having grown up where the Texan aesthetic was a part of everyday life. So it was definitely formative in an aesthetic way, not that I necessarily adhere to the Texas way of doing things, but it’s a lot different than coastal life in the US, that’s for sure.
Indra: How would you describe the Texas aesthetic? How has the Texas aesthetic informed the aesthetic that you have created in your life/home?
Jennie: Well…there’s so much to put a finger on, and I’ve never described it before…thinking…
Ok, so Texas is flat and wide open. Everyone needs a car, for starters. Cities are sprawled out, so going home to a friend’s place, or just grocery shopping entails a journey by car, with air conditioning. It’s also not unusual for people to drive three hours to go out during the weekend, and drive back again, that’s one thing. Cars are a necessity, and parking lots are everywhere. I spent a lot of time in cars, and in my teen years driving around and hanging out in parking lots, since there was not much else to do.
I remember people’s homes as really dark on the inside. Dark as an antidote to the strong sun outside, and cold because of the air-conditioning. There was lots of wood paneling, dark wooden objects, fake flowers. I can’t say it’s affected the way I create my life now, as in there being a direct influence. I’ve always had an eclectic sense of style that’s decidedly not Texan, and that’s still how I’d describe my sense of style today, I guess. So I suppose I seek the opposite of the Texan aesthetic I grew up with. I’ve never felt that it suited me, at all. So from living in pretty a rural setting, I really embrace city life now.
Indra: You have one of the most colorful homes I’ve seen in Denmark. What inspires your choice of colors? Is it based on an emotion you want to bring into the room or do you get random inspiration?
Jennie: It used to be pretty random. My favorite color changes every three years or so, I’m still on Tiffany blue now. One thing is for sure - and that’s the fact that pure white walls make me nervous. They’re unsettling to me, plain and simple.
I think a lot about the light that’s available to a room. If there’s not a lot of afternoon light, I’m pretty aware of the need for warm colors in that room. Blue can be warm though, so it’s about picking the right shade. Function plays in too. That said, I might just paint all the rooms a completely different color next year. But there are lots of different colors in each room! Also, very important – I’m a firm believer that the right shade of purple can be a neutral and really tie different colors together!
Indra: You are raising two awesome little boys in your colorful home. They seem to be very imaginative kids. How much do you think a child’s personality is cultivated (by environment and purposeful parental steering) versus inborn?
Jennie: Thank you! Nature vs. nurture. That’s a BIG one. The jury’s still out on that.
I can say though, that when I was pregnant with Dante we were in Colorado visiting my half-brother, and my half-sister flew down too. We were not brought up in the same place, and they are twenty years older than me, but my husband notes a lot of similarities, in our humor, in our gestures etc.
Nowadays, even though my dad wasn’t at home a lot when I was a kid, and I really consider my mom as the main influence on me - I find myself, just this morning actually, saying stuff to my kids that my dad said to me. Sure that probably seeped in when I was a kid, but really, he had a very particular way of doing things, and I’ve definitely inherited some of that through his dna. Dammit!
So - my kids have something in their DNA that contributes to their personality, but they also have two parents who make sure that we have at least one daily laughing fit together, not to mention their father is seriously attentive to educating them. They’re both great at letters and numbers because of him, and they absolutely love books because they’re physically surrounded by them, and we’ve got our heads buried in a book almost all the time.
And Mikael has always told them stories that he makes up along the way, so that’s contagious too! They make up their own stories, and they fib a lot (laughs).
Indra: What was it like to go from not having a kid to being someone’s mom? Were 9 months of gestation enough for you to mentally prepare for the transition to motherhood-parenthood?
Jennie: I was ready even before then.
I took the pill for many years, and even then was always pretty attentive to friends’ kids when they were there, usually the older ones. My friend Daniel’s daughter, Vanja, was a particular favorite, I still miss her (she moved back to Portugal, where they’re from). So, when I stopped taking the pill I was BROODY.
You never really know what parenthood will bring, but it’s been a lot more fun that we’d expected, that’s for sure. But we made an agreement before we decided to have a kid (about 15 minutes after we met). Having kids could be fun, and we could take kids anywhere with us. And we’ve never experienced otherwise. We take our kids to parties, to cafés; we travel the world with them, by train even. Sure it can be tedious sometimes, but we’re prepared, so it’s usually a joy, and that way our kids learn to be fun loving, adaptable humans just like we are.
Also, when you’re expecting, everyone’s all like - “you’re having a baby”. No dude, you’re having a HUMAN. It goes so fast, they’re only babies for a year or two, then they are small humans, but that’s seriously even better. But the baby part is what draws people in (laughs)!
Indra: What’s been the most surprising part of parenting?
Jennie: How much kids are capable of at an early age. They’re pretty smart, and they truly are individuals, and it’s good to be sensitive to that pretty much from the get go. Adults have a habit of laughing at kids when they do or say something that adults do. I remember that myself. It’s really frustrating actually. You learn what to do and say from your parents, and then they laugh at you for copying them? Grossly unfair!
Not like I’d thought my kids would be stupid or anything, but I didn’t think they’d be so strong willed already! I guess I was different as a kid myself, kind of just going along with everything my parents told me to do, so it came as a surprise when my kids weren’t just being difficult, but really didn’t want to wear something in particular, or do something, it’s their personality shining through. I’m still working on that, because honestly, I do say no a lot, and can be tough on them, because it doesn’t suit me. That said, I’m not into free parenting. There are boundaries. I have a lot of personal boundaries, and it’s totally ok to teach them not to cross them. It’ll serve them when they’re older. We’re also pretty firm on reminding them to say “please” and “thank you” etc. Actually, we don’t have to remind them much at all, we brainwashed them from the start (laughs).
Indra: How are you and Mik different in your parenting approach?
Jennie: Um - he’s a pushover (laughs).
No, really, he’s not a “parent” like I am. He’s really good at the hands on stuff, he’s a kid himself. He plays with them, tells them stories, reads a lot with them, but he also speaks French to them, teaches them to read and write. I’m the practical one. I take care of the boring stuff. I get them up and dressed in the morning, pack lunch, wash them, brush their hair, make sure we’ve got the appropriate clothing and shoes for the season, what they need for daycare etc. Mik doesn’t think about that stuff, he just wants to do the fun stuff. So, good balance I guess, but I’m getting mighty tired of being a cook, housekeeper, and general personal assistant for everybody here, including Mik (laughs).
I’ve considered just leaving the practical stuff at home alone. But then we’d be living in a pig sty. Recently, I thought why are we even living together? Seriously? Stay married, live separately, that’d be awesome. Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton live like that, but they’re millionaires (laughs).
Indra: I read somewhere that Georgia O’Keefe also kept her lover in a separate house towards the later years of her life. It sounded very logical. To think, in the 50’s it was common for a couple to keep separate beds and Kings and Queens used to have separate wings of their castle. Why do you think we – by we, I mean western society - have decided to join ourselves in all aspects of life?
Jennie: It’s a romantic notion I believe for the most part. Who doesn’t remember the early days and being completely entwined with your lover the whole night through? It’s great - but dude, I need my space now! Cold places it might be practical to stay huddled together! But otherwise, romance/questions of space in the home too, in small apartments.
Indra: I’ve wondered how much we will ever be able to win over the biological differences we have in the way we behave in life. I’m including transgendered people in this. I remember reading somewhere that some Native American cultures believed that transgendered people should be shamans because their ability to embody more than one gender made them have a closer connection to the divine. I’m guessing, in their case, that they meant people of the third sex. What are your thoughts on the notion of there being a battle of the sexes?
Jennie: I’m really split on this. We have physical differences, including hormonal, and while being on the rag isn’t an excuse to be a bitch, I know when I’m pms-ing because I’m not all that nice to be around. It’s good to be aware of.
But we have a long way to go as far as equal opportunity is concerned. We’re not even close yet. It’s coming though. I study at the university here and 90% of the students in my faculty are female, and that’s a trend around a lot of faculties. So, in a matter of years we may see a real shift. Though some friends and I talk about how a lot of men with less education might snag a job because men are in general better at bullshitting about their qualifications. Women hold back, because they actually want to be qualified, instead of looking at a job specification as a prognosis for what they’ll be able to do after getting the job. Obviously, I’m generalizing here, but I recognize it in myself! The last bit’s true though. Ladies, if you see a job you want, but lack one or two of the qualifications necessary, consider it a prognosis, and assure your future employer that not only will you be able to fulfill that qualification after a month or two, but you’ll be awesome at it to boot. That’s the self-esteem boost we women need collectively, and culturally. I really think that women are the propellers for change in the world. We need to be, because the patriarchal paradigm is not really working out all that well.
I’d also like to see more sexualisation of men in the public sphere, more hetero male prostitutes too, because I don’t think we’re going to be equal by solely trying to raise women to the same status of men. We have to bring men “down” a notch or two as well before both men and women can make decisions and laws based on an equal society. How do we treat female rape victims? We give them the blame. Just look at the whole SlutWalking debate – it started because a policeman told women that they were asking for it by dressing provocatively. Would that be the case if men were sexualized to the same extent as women? And how might men see the world differently, if there were an equal number of heterosexual sex workers out there, putting their sexuality on the market to the same extent as the female counterparts. I only put this out there because until now, there have only been two ways of tackling prostitution. The one being the case to legalize it and make sex workers safer by giving them rights like workers in other fields, and the other being the case to condemn them and make their customers criminal too. But it’s always from the standpoint that the sex worker is female. Let’s add men to the equation, and I’m pretty confident that the subject will reach a whole other level.
Indra: One of the first things I noticed when I moved to DK was that people bump into one another on the street even when there is a lot of space to go around. Coming from NYC, where people make an effort to give each other space when they can…it’s funny that people seek contact in a country with so much space.
Jennie: Yeah - I’m so used to it. Actually, when I was younger, I thought it was kind of cool that you could bump into people here and both parties would just mosey on without a word to each other. In the US you’d make a big fuss, “oh I’m soooo sorry” all the mea culpas, etc. Here it was just like - yeah, ok, onward! But that was then. The world is different, Denmark is different, there are different things to take into account, and Danes really should be more polite in general.
I think there must be so much going on in Danes on a subconscious level that they’re not even aware of - it’s becoming more and more evident. Haven’t taken the time to analyze it all yet though.
Indra: When I ran into you last time, you talked about wanting to stay in DK until this oil crisis was going to take place because you know you have a community of friends that would help each other here. Can you break this oil thing down for me?
Jennie: Peak oil. The Oil Crash. The Oil Crunch. Many names.
We’ve always known that there was only so much oil in the earth beneath us. And the International Energy Agency has now stated that oil production has already peaked, back in 2006. That means, since the oil rush days of way back, it took until 2006 to use half of the oil in the world. It’s not going to take us as long to use the second half, that’s the crunch right there. There are many many more people in the world now. And more and more of them are oil hungry. Demand on oil is practically growing exponentially. We depend on oil for e v e r y t h i n g. Everything about our lives revolves around oil. Big changes coming. Huge. And not like the oil crisis of the 70s. If we don’t prepare, it’ll be more like during WW2.
Indra: Tell me more. What do you think people should do to prepare?
Jennie: Well, local networking is crucial. We should stop throwing shit out - we’re going to need it. To use, to repurpose. Having good food and water sources locally is crucial as well. Non-dependency on oil in everyway. Tough one, but let’s just say it’ll be good to have a bike or two on hand. Start looking critically at everything in your everyday life - where does it come from? Where was it made, how did it get to you, do you need it? The salmon I ate for breakfast came from Norway, used a lot of oil in production costs, cost oil to get here, energy to keep it cold in the store etc. My coffee…same thing but from South America. My clothing…from China. Production of everything will need to be closer to the local community. I was freaked out at when the reality of our predicament hit me. It was almost worse than my climate anxiety. But now I’m almost looking forward to it. We just can’t go on like this. And necessity is the mother of invention. We won’t change until we have to. Now, we’ll have to. I have already made changes though. I stopped flying in 2008. I thought about how I was going to justify such a gross abuse of oil and the climate to my kids when they’re older. They’re getting the bill on this one, aren’t they? So I simply took it out of the equation. We’re mostly vegetarian now too. Sure’s there’s lots more that can be done, but I don’t want to isolate myself from society. I want to stay a part of it, and change it in the ways I can. And most people really stop to listen when you tell them you’ve stopped flying because of the climate. Especially considering that I’m in Europe and have friends and family in the US! But we never would have had our awesome train trips to Morocco if I hadn’t taken a stand on this, and we’ve all benefitted.
Indra: Do you have any online resources people can go to in order to learn more?
Jennie: Well, I fall over stuff all the time through Facebook and Twitter. There’s something called Transition Town that’s about this. In Denmark it’s called Omstilling Danmark. That’s as good a place as any to start. But it’s important to check out other resources too, so you don’t just get one view on it - from one ideological perspective.
Indra: Thank you for taking the time to do this with me. It’s been - as always - very interesting to chat with you.
Jennie: Thanks for inviting me to be your first interviewee! It’s an honor.
